Enrolled in School!

I had orientation for school today and am now registered for classes full-time!  I’m really excited because I’m starting my bachelor’s degree for clinical psychology.  I need 9 books for 4 classes though!  It’s insane!  The second best idea my mother ever had (after getting me unlimited texting as soon as she got me my first cell phone) was buying me the rolling backpack when I started community college back in 2009.  I was a stupid 19 year old and argued with her because “a rolling backpack isn’t cool.”  I am now thanking her profusely because that stupid rolling backpack is going to save my life as I traverse my new campus, which is basically a small city, especially since I have severe arthritis in my knees and 2 herniated discs in my back.

I am very nervous about restarting school, though.  The classes I’m used to contained about 30-40 students.  These classes are about 400-450 students.  I guess I always thought the depictions of gigantic classrooms in the movies were exaggerations or just for Ivy League colleges like Harvard or Yale. I really hope I am able to continuously get the front row because otherwise I won’t be able to see anything!  I have a corrective lens prescription of -9.75 (For those that don’t know what that means, I literally can’t see farther than an inch away from my face clearly without contacts or glasses.  Though correction definitely helps, my vision will always be far from perfect and I still have trouble seeing things at a distance).

Not only that, but my social anxiety keeps telling me I won’t make any friends and I’ll be crazy lonely and just seen as that weird nerd who does nothing but study all the time.  I hope I’ll find some people to talk to there after a bit.  I didn’t have much luck with that at my last school, so hopefully here will be easier.

I start classes on August 22nd, so the countdown begins!

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Yay Food!

My boyfriend’s birthday was June 30th (which also added to the busy week) and I cooked him dinner before going to a nerd bar with a couple friends and playing board games while drinking.

I was pretty proud of my dinner, which consisted of spiral cut, brown sugar ham, honey garlic roasted carrots, and candied yams.  For dessert, I made an apple pie from scratch (everything but the crust anyway), which he ate 90% of in one sitting.  I don’t usually take photos of food, but I felt my pie was impressive enough to do so.

Apple Pie I Made

My Birthday

My birthday was the 6th and it was much better than I expected.  My mother came into town on the 5th and we did an escape room that night.  We were just 2 puzzles away from escaping, so I was pretty proud of us.  On my birthday, we went to karaoke for my “party” (I don’t know if I would call it a party, but maybe a get together?) and way more people showed up than I expected.  Excluding me, seven people were there.  It made me really happy and I had an awesome time.

My boyfriend also ensured he got me earrings and Pandora charms I’d been wanting.  He and one of my friends put their heads together and were able to get me the new Beauty and the Beast Enchanted Rose charm, Mrs. Potts, my favorite safety chain, and the matching purple flower dangle earrings and studs.  My Pandora bracelet is pretty much full now and I didn’t think I would ever wear a full Pandora bracelet.

So it was a really awesome week and I have a few “assignments” to do now that life has calmed back down.  I have to find a new apartment since our lease is up in October and I refuse to resign the lease with the new management.  I have to take the online orientation course before the actual school orientation on the 14th (I’m returning to college this fall for my bachelors in psychology), look into working with my stepfather on expanding the availability of my self-published book, Daughter of the Moon, to additional sites other than just Amazon, and a few other things.

Perhaps I should write a to-do list at this point…? I’m usually pretty good at remembering things but this list is getting a bit long.  Ah well.  My creative posts will most likely restart now that the craziness has calmed down.  Thanks everyone for your patience!

And again, if there is anything you’d like to see from me, leave it in the comments!  It could be anything, a photograph (specific or generic request), poem topic, writing prompt, or just a topic you’d like me to talk about in general.  Enjoy your day!

Rediscovering my Hobbies

The writing prompt and poem I posted yesterday were the first pieces I have written in a very long time.  The response my poem received was surprising and made me really happy, so thank you all so much for your likes and comments!

I have been out of work for almost a week now and have another to go (at least) because I’m having an allergic reaction to something there.  I have no idea what it is and my doctor signed a note stating I would be out of work from June 22nd through July 8th so I had time to recover and see an allergist.  It has been a very slow recovery process.  Whatever the allergen is, it built up in my system and caused increasing issues over the course of a month until it got so bad that I couldn’t be at work longer than an hour without having difficulty breathing.  I’m still taking benedryl as I wait for the referral to the allergist to process in order to calm the flares.  My coughing has finally started to seem like it’s breaking stuff up in my chest though, so hopefully it doesn’t take much longer.

Even though we need the money and can’t afford for me to be out of work, I’m trying to use this time to find my hobbies again.  My anxiety wraps me up so tightly in everything I have to do so now that I don’t have that long list (because I can’t really do much but sit at home and breathe), I have the opportunity to decompress enough to write.

It took a few days for me to be able to do anything hobby-like, but I’m finally rediscovering the joy that writing brings me.  Hopefully after the allergies have gone and I’m back at work that doesn’t vanish again.

Maybe I’ll write another poem again today.

Owls

 

I adore owls.  My house is covered in owl stuff.  I was really excited when I found a family of 5 owls in the tree outside my house a few years ago, especially since they let me take as many photos of them as I wanted.  The little baby one was my favorite.

I was going to take some photos at a swimming hole with some friends in celebration of Litha today, but that went bust.  They’re all still going swimming, but I couldn’t manage to overcome my fear of being the odd man out since I’m terrified of putting on a bathing suit and people looking at me.  My body dysphoria is pretty bad and it’s going to be hot as hell outside today.  I couldn’t handle being in a bathing suit and swimming, nor would I be able to handle just sitting around outside in 95 degree weather.  So I backed out at the last minute and will just go to the celebration at my friend’s house tonight.

I feel bad that I backed out, but I couldn’t breathe whenever I thought about going.  I tried to, especially since I was able to take the key chain chain mail class the other day, but I guess this was just too big of a step.

Anyway, enjoy my owl photos instead.

The Key Chain

I have anxiety.  What does that mean?  That means that I have to fight having panic attacks before picking up the phone to call someone, even if we are very close.  That means I have to be aware of my limits and triggers at all times so I don’t accidentally get myself into a situation that causes a panic attack in front of other people.  I have to utilize coping mechanisms constantly to remain calm in situations other people would be completely fine with (like going swimming).  Day to day tasks are infinitely harder for me because I have to first move past how daunting the to-do list in my brain is before doing the actual task.

And that is just part of what I experience.  Defining how generalized anxiety disorder has affected my life would take far longer than I am currently willing to sit here and type for.  The point of this post is not to dwell on what I can’t do, but to highlight what I have done.

Yesterday, I had about an hour between a doctor appointment and having to pick my boyfriend up from work, so I went to the mall to walk around.  I didn’t intend to even visit many shops, I was considering sitting at the food court and pretending I was invisible until it was time to go pick him up.  As I headed towards the food court, I noticed a store I’d gone into before with my boyfriend that had a variety of nifty things like leather purses, steampunk stuff, chain mail, and dips you could sample.  Every weekday after 3pm, this store has free 20 minute classes on making chain mail.  They provide you with a key chain you get to make yourself with instruction and then you can keep it, all for free.  You can do a free class and make a different key chain once a month.  I had just enough time to do the 20 minute course and I managed to go in and sit down before I could talk myself out of it.

As soon as I had the tools in my hands, I relaxed.  I had never done chain mail before and, though I thought it was interesting and something I’d like to try, I never thought I’d enjoy it as much as I did.  This began a new hobby because for the first time in months, I felt calm.  I felt relaxed.  And once I finished the key chain, I was proud of myself.  I had accomplished more than making the chain mail.  I had gone into the mall, then the store, and then took the class all by myself.  The key chain itself was awesome and looks great, but the steps I went through to get there made all the difference in the world and I felt amazing afterwards.

I haven’t been happy like that in months.  I felt silly being so excited over taking a 20 minute class, but it was worth being happy about.  I’m not able to do that a lot.  It gave me hope that, at some point, I will be able to function without the weight of my anxiety bearing down on me constantly and that will keep me going for a while.

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